It's hard not to imitate Robert Sapolksy's playful humour - and harder still to keep our cool when communicating; recently at #OccupyLSX, tensions have risen over an alleged bypassing of the emerging democratic process, also tensions seemed high when the Canon of St Paul's was invited out to answer some allegations he implied he felt unjust. There was an eruption of laughter at the idea the '1%' had not influenced him in his pursuit of an eviction. These two examples can serve to remind us of the power of the manner in which we communicate, and which emotions are in the driving seat - I feel it's valuable to evaluate our approach to these events..
The Tangled Web of Human Behaviour and Communication
At least within industrial/globalized culture, there are times when we often become upset, emotional, angry, and therefore sharp with our words - and dismissive of those who would not entertain what we may see as somewhat empirical or self evident. I still do sometimes - I was and still am, committed to non-violence. I did however realize how subtle violence could be, and the many forms it could take: as Krishnamurti wrote:
"Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle, much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence."
When we are faced with ideas or actions that threaten us or our sense of self - our initial physiological reaction is often very similar to the same fight or flight instincts we used to survive an unwelcome encounter with a sabre-toothed tiger, or that unfortunate moment when one is gorged by a disgruntled rhinoceros. Some all familiar signs include:
- Raised voice, tense facial expressions, disrupted breathing
- Rapid/poorly thought out responses & actions which we later regret
- Submission/subordination -emotions can eat away at us and have damaging long term effect
Depending on the nature of ones relationship with said disgruntled rhinoceros, our primal instincts may serve us well in clotting our blood, or getting the hell out of there, but with perpetual excitation, and the unfortunate social norms that limit our ability to run screaming into the jungle when someone refutes the laws of supply and demand - that stress response has to express itself somehow.
Human beings can indeed transcend these more primal neural responses with our capacity to absorb values and culture, develop empathy, and our potential for a highly developed frontal-cortex, associated with the capacity for "Emotional regulation, gratification postponement, executive decision making, & long-term planning." Of course, these tendencies vary complexly. We do not all inherit the same set of bio/psycho/social conditions - those in a less stimulating or impoverished environment may literally have a less developed frontal cortex - this is strand of potential variability with respect to remaining calm and non-violent in our communication. There are many ways in which we are pre-disposed, yet not determined to, these behavioural tendencies including:
Human beings can indeed transcend these more primal neural responses with our capacity to absorb values and culture, develop empathy, and our potential for a highly developed frontal-cortex, associated with the capacity for "Emotional regulation, gratification postponement, executive decision making, & long-term planning." Of course, these tendencies vary complexly. We do not all inherit the same set of bio/psycho/social conditions - those in a less stimulating or impoverished environment may literally have a less developed frontal cortex - this is strand of potential variability with respect to remaining calm and non-violent in our communication. There are many ways in which we are pre-disposed, yet not determined to, these behavioural tendencies including:
- Stress hormone levels in the womb (prenatal environment)
- Mirror neurons (Bob ¹ becomes negative about achieving his groups goal. Seyruu ¹ heavily dependant on outcome of group goal, easily falls into stress response, others simply affected by general atmosphere of short-fused communication)
- Cultural and environmentally inherited/enforced assumptions, inequality & hardship (picture the corner boys of the HBO series 'The Wire' - it would be no surprise in these conditions would incubate a dog eat dog value system, where cooperation and adjustments may be seen as weaknesses in such a ruthless environment where 'respect' can mean the difference between life and death)
- Add infinitum
[For video sources, please view: Short: - The Uniqueness of humans - Long/Advanced]
[For text sources , please view: Short: Sapolsky - Effects of Stress - M: Why Zebras don't get Ulcers - L:]
One of the most common causes of conflict is illustrated in the following example, which also partially reveals the limitations of formal (often merely verbal) logic. [check out Stuart Chase's take on 'the logicians' in his book 'The Tyranny of words' - Video review here]
The Shame and blame culture; the infinity of revenge
We might wonder what have childhood, shame and blame got to do with non-violent communication - and the answer is they are inextricably linked. As described above by prison psychiatrist James Gilligan, author of many books on the subject of violence, a feeling of shame plays a very powerful role in ones path to violent behaviour, physical or social / verbal.
Far from being concerned about addressing whatever behaviour or ideas may have been destructive, one who is ostracised and isolated is far more likely to focus on the shame, and the common assumption that they were motivated by ill intent: 'Mike¹ had an agenda', 'Rose¹ did it out of spite', 'Paul¹ was too lazy to get a job.'
One of the most common causes of conflict is illustrated in the following example, which also partially reveals the limitations of formal (often merely verbal) logic. [check out Stuart Chase's take on 'the logicians' in his book 'The Tyranny of words' - Video review here]
Bob¹ and Seiryu¹ are discussing morality. Seiryu¹ claims he doesn't 'believe' in morality. Bob¹'s stress response is activated immediately by a strong emotional [and neural] attachment to the word 'morality' and the associations that match it. Communication is an uphill struggle from here - Seiryu¹ makes perfectly valid arguments - cultural relativism - where values and morality are subjective [take some of the objection to eating dolphins but our indifference to eating lamb]- and environmental uncertainty - where environments and conditions of scarcity evolve such that fighting or stealing to survive tend to be perceived as acts of necessity rather than greed. Throughout, Bob¹ abhors the refusal to accept violence is 'wrong' therefore asserts Seiryu¹ 'doesn't understand morality'. The implication is that Seiryu¹ is incapable or refusing to understand, either is insulting or a judgement on the individual himself. When Bob¹'s idea largely formulated in his own mind is stated as fact without means to prove or verify, communication will tend to reach a bottleneck - depending on how knowledgeable our participants are in the relevant fields - they may be able to transcend such bottlenecks, with a little patience and forgiveness - after all - we are all occupants of the semantic jungle - however - if we had means of finding a referent for morality there may not be need for such disputes.
We might wonder what have childhood, shame and blame got to do with non-violent communication - and the answer is they are inextricably linked. As described above by prison psychiatrist James Gilligan, author of many books on the subject of violence, a feeling of shame plays a very powerful role in ones path to violent behaviour, physical or social / verbal.
Far from being concerned about addressing whatever behaviour or ideas may have been destructive, one who is ostracised and isolated is far more likely to focus on the shame, and the common assumption that they were motivated by ill intent: 'Mike¹ had an agenda', 'Rose¹ did it out of spite', 'Paul¹ was too lazy to get a job.'
"The trouble with revenge (& punishment) is, it's endless."
It rings true. Consider the facebook debate, or the stage, which takes place in full view of potentially hundreds of people. Can both parties be expected to communicate constructively as they could in private? With such visibility, both are likely semi consciously aware of their audience, and each statement interpreted as an attack on ones integrity can be far more inflammatory than if words are exchanged solely 'horizontally' - and not also vertically. Values and ideas it seems, transfer more effectively and positively, in environments most conducive to human communication and empathy. Technology and social structures, whilst not always drivers, have catalyzed the capacity or destructive force of our conflicts.
We seem to have a culture inclined to the pursuit of 'justice' - but should we be more concerned with why certain behaviours exist, as opposed to punishing them - something which has been shown to increase the frequency and severity of abhorrent behaviour. Punishment seems to be more about validating a culturally manufactured feeling of superiority. 'I hate selfish people,' ...or 'people with ego issues are not worth my time'. We see the attitude of isolation and dismissal frequently - are we planting seeds of violence?
[An addendum to this section is coming as soon as I remedy my laptop issue]
The case for Cohesion
At Saint Paul's, I have witnessed an abundance of reasons to discuss and promote non-violent communication - to steer aware from shame, blame, punishment and isolation. I have long advocated those interested in a non-violent world cease ostracising, mocking, and judging those of particular faiths and religions, and this approach could not be further ratified then by the announcement of a Christian prayer ring to defend the occupation from violent eviction, the Islamic blessing given to the general assembly by an attending Imam, the multi-faith prayer/meditation tent - and the general kindness and commitment of many from religious communities interested in protecting human centred values, and the preservation of an open democratic space. I have met people of all faiths of inspiring kindness and warmth, Christians, Muslims - young and old.
In a society and culture that has sacrificed the needs of human beings in favour of inherited cultural myths of convenience - and the elevation of what has been called individual freedom at the expense of the health of society and indeed the biosphere, the external bodies that sustain us - can we expect to not at times rise to anger. Can we expect to get along easily? Can we expect to have the tools and knowledge we need to create an environment in which conflict is an opportunity for learning and growth, and not an expression of our fears and insecurities?
The highest release from this dilemma seems to be a greater willingness to forgive; something which we can attain should we recognize the extreme limitations our environment has imposed upon us - and the limitation of our own knowledge, not our capacity for it. We can all learn and understand these concepts - understand ourselves as human beings - and therefore each other. Hopefully, through these discussions, we will learn we are motivated not so much by self interest as we are told. I have only touched the surface of a vastly complex matter. I hope everyone will join in with emails, comments and responses.
Thank you for taking the time. The article will be tidied up soon.
The highest release from this dilemma seems to be a greater willingness to forgive; something which we can attain should we recognize the extreme limitations our environment has imposed upon us - and the limitation of our own knowledge, not our capacity for it. We can all learn and understand these concepts - understand ourselves as human beings - and therefore each other. Hopefully, through these discussions, we will learn we are motivated not so much by self interest as we are told. I have only touched the surface of a vastly complex matter. I hope everyone will join in with emails, comments and responses.
Thank you for taking the time. The article will be tidied up soon.
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